Cracked

*Trigger Warning* I have to write. I spent multiple evenings this week trying to help a small group talk someone down from ending their life. I’ve been through this on multiple scales before—in a way with my dad, where it ended more negatively than I imagined it would and I didn’t fully realize that dyingContinue reading “Cracked”

What to do With Extra Chances

I am on the struggle bus this week. Stuck in the “it could have been me so what am I doing with this chance at life” stuff. Not exactly sure if that constitutes survivors guilt or something else. Something different. Maybe not as painful as “it should have been me” but still meaningful and difficultContinue reading “What to do With Extra Chances”

Two Out of Three

I just realized I never wrote about my tattoo! Last year I wrote my three post-retirement goals in my post Tattoos, Baldness, and PJ Pants: shave my head, get a tattoo, and walk around Walmart in PJ pants. Amazingly, I’ve knocked out the first two but still have yet to walk around Walmart in PJs—scaryContinue reading “Two Out of Three”

Brain Tornado

If anyone is curious what it looks like inside of the brain of someone who has PTSD/CPTSD caused by someone they love, here ya go… But with a bunch of fun, conflicting phrases like “love you” “hate you” “miss you” “fuck you” constantly wrestling with each other when you think about that person. Which wouldContinue reading “Brain Tornado”

Reuniting

What must you feelTo take yourself awayFrom the world you are inDo you feel too muchOr nothing at allMaybe you are already goneEven when we still see youSo your leaving is just reunitingYour body with your soulYou leave us to find ourselvesGroping for answersFor strengthFor youIf we are lucky We can keep ourselfShattered but inContinue reading “Reuniting”

What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…

With PTSD, one of the many ways intrusive thoughts interfere with everyday life is through nightmares. Every PTSD questionnaire I’ve answered has asked if I have nightmares. Until VERY recently, I assumed nightmares had to be excessively scary. When my daughter dreamt that a bear was chasing her and she woke up begging me toContinue reading “What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…”