Reuniting

What must you feelTo take yourself awayFrom the world you are inDo you feel too muchOr nothing at allMaybe you are already goneEven when we still see youSo your leaving is just reunitingYour body with your soulYou leave us to find ourselvesGroping for answersFor strengthFor youIf we are lucky We can keep ourselfShattered but inContinue reading “Reuniting”

What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…

With PTSD, one of the many ways intrusive thoughts interfere with everyday life is through nightmares. Every PTSD questionnaire I’ve answered has asked if I have nightmares. Until VERY recently, I assumed nightmares had to be excessively scary. When my daughter dreamt that a bear was chasing her and she woke up begging me toContinue reading “What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…”

My Favorite Space is Green

I put a lot of thought into organizing our new place. It is a no brainer that our sunroom is my favorite space in the house. It seems the more sparkly lights and green plants, the better a room makes me feel. Even if it is not insulated AT ALL and stays FREEZING during theContinue reading “My Favorite Space is Green”

Therapy Again…

Just finished up my intake at the Syracuse VA so I can start working through trauma in the PTSD Clinic. Some days I just want the shit in my head to go away. It’s so weird thinking that I’ve been stuck in a similar mental state for 13 years. There’s a chance I’ll be 75Continue reading “Therapy Again…”

Oki the Pup

We got a puppy! I’ve promised Emma we could get a dog since she could talk, but we had to wait until we settled somewhere. Full disclosure, I am not an animal person. I’ve never wanted a pet. I’ve never been super fond of other people’s pets. That is, until I met my sister’s dog,Continue reading “Oki the Pup”

Medical Retirement Confirmed

FINALLY got my ratings back from the medical board—I will indeed be medically retired. Amazingly, they rated me higher than I was expecting, which means I’ll be making significantly more money monthly which is huge because we had estimated our family income dropping 60%, but it’ll only drop 40% (at least for the next fewContinue reading “Medical Retirement Confirmed”

Onward to Therapy! Again!

I finished up my regular therapy sessions in early June. CPT is rough for anyone, but add to it that my therapist and I didn’t really jive, and you can guess that it was a very long and painful six months, with sessions ranging from once every two weeks to twice a week. Since thenContinue reading “Onward to Therapy! Again!”

Well, You Failed Therapy

I finished up my Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) appointments this week. I talked a little about it in Milkshakes and Meditation…it was hit-or-miss on days that felt helpful or not, and days that felt rough or not. In the end I was told I “showed some improvements but the results weren’t what they wanted.” IContinue reading “Well, You Failed Therapy”

Milkshakes and Meditation

I’m a few weeks into Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) with my doc, working through some trauma from over a decade ago that’s shown it’s ugly head 10-fold the last couple of years. It’s rough. Like I’d-love-to-curl-up-in-a-ball-for-a-few-days-without-moving rough. I can drag myself to appointments because I promise myself a latte at the only Starbucks I knowContinue reading “Milkshakes and Meditation”