Cracked

*Trigger Warning* I have to write. I spent multiple evenings this week trying to help a small group talk someone down from ending their life. I’ve been through this on multiple scales before—in a way with my dad, where it ended more negatively than I imagined it would and I didn’t fully realize that dyingContinue reading “Cracked”

Brain Tornado

If anyone is curious what it looks like inside of the brain of someone who has PTSD/CPTSD caused by someone they love, here ya go… But with a bunch of fun, conflicting phrases like “love you” “hate you” “miss you” “fuck you” constantly wrestling with each other when you think about that person. Which wouldContinue reading “Brain Tornado”

What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…

With PTSD, one of the many ways intrusive thoughts interfere with everyday life is through nightmares. Every PTSD questionnaire I’ve answered has asked if I have nightmares. Until VERY recently, I assumed nightmares had to be excessively scary. When my daughter dreamt that a bear was chasing her and she woke up begging me toContinue reading “What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…”

Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #7: It Puts the Stuff in the Basket

Messes. I frikkin hate messes. They make my anxiety go haywire and also cause some flashbacks to some negative memories. I am not the neatest person in the world (much better than I was in my dorm days 😬 ) but I tend to keep a decent house. Enter kids. And husband. And now dog.Continue reading “Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #7: It Puts the Stuff in the Basket”

Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #6: Selfcare(ish)

I’ve been stressed. PTSD, anxiety, kids, anxiety, Marine Corps, anxiety, medical board (taking months longer than it is supposed to), anxiety, home buying, anxiety, marriage, anxiety, housekeeping, anxiety, and a sprinkling of…dare I say depression? Not really sure what that is but it’s bugging me. Today was a “take-a-bath-with-your-kid-while-watching-Scooby-Doo” and “pour Ovaltine on your spoonfulContinue reading “Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #6: Selfcare(ish)”

Onward to Therapy! Again!

I finished up my regular therapy sessions in early June. CPT is rough for anyone, but add to it that my therapist and I didn’t really jive, and you can guess that it was a very long and painful six months, with sessions ranging from once every two weeks to twice a week. Since thenContinue reading “Onward to Therapy! Again!”

Well, You Failed Therapy

I finished up my Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) appointments this week. I talked a little about it in Milkshakes and Meditation…it was hit-or-miss on days that felt helpful or not, and days that felt rough or not. In the end I was told I “showed some improvements but the results weren’t what they wanted.” IContinue reading “Well, You Failed Therapy”

From Hero to Zero

I’m a Marine. I decided I wanted to be a Marine when I was 12 years old, and I worked unbelievably hard to make it to where I am (more on that in a later post). I put the Marine Corps ahead of pretty much everything else in my life for well over a decade.Continue reading “From Hero to Zero”

My First Boob Squish

I had my first boob squish today…you might know that as a mammogram. I recently stopped nursing Graycie and noticed some lumps shortly after. They didn’t change for a bit, so figured I should get checked out. Everything is good—no abnormalities on the boob squish or the follow-up ultrasound. It was an interesting experience though.Continue reading “My First Boob Squish”