Brain Tornado

If anyone is curious what it looks like inside of the brain of someone who has PTSD/CPTSD caused by someone they love, here ya go… But with a bunch of fun, conflicting phrases like “love you” “hate you” “miss you” “fuck you” constantly wrestling with each other when you think about that person. Which wouldContinue reading “Brain Tornado”

Why Not Say “Yes?”

So often I tell my kids no and later realize there was really no reason for that response. Sometimes you just need to say “yes,” if only to get yourself out of the “no” mindset. Can I tattoo my stomach? Can we paint your toe nails? Can we watch TV? Can I wear my pantsContinue reading “Why Not Say “Yes?””

What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…

With PTSD, one of the many ways intrusive thoughts interfere with everyday life is through nightmares. Every PTSD questionnaire I’ve answered has asked if I have nightmares. Until VERY recently, I assumed nightmares had to be excessively scary. When my daughter dreamt that a bear was chasing her and she woke up begging me toContinue reading “What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…”

Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #7: It Puts the Stuff in the Basket

Messes. I frikkin hate messes. They make my anxiety go haywire and also cause some flashbacks to some negative memories. I am not the neatest person in the world (much better than I was in my dorm days 😬 ) but I tend to keep a decent house. Enter kids. And husband. And now dog.Continue reading “Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #7: It Puts the Stuff in the Basket”

Therapy Again…

Just finished up my intake at the Syracuse VA so I can start working through trauma in the PTSD Clinic. Some days I just want the shit in my head to go away. It’s so weird thinking that I’ve been stuck in a similar mental state for 13 years. There’s a chance I’ll be 75Continue reading “Therapy Again…”

Medical Retirement Confirmed

FINALLY got my ratings back from the medical board—I will indeed be medically retired. Amazingly, they rated me higher than I was expecting, which means I’ll be making significantly more money monthly which is huge because we had estimated our family income dropping 60%, but it’ll only drop 40% (at least for the next fewContinue reading “Medical Retirement Confirmed”

I am a Homeowner!!

That house I talked about in Playing Adult outside of Ithaca, NY…it’s ours as of yesterday 😃 I am so excited! So many ideas and plans, and there is so much room inside and outside! I’ve lived in 21ish houses, one ship, and multiple long-term hotels over my 32 years (I get a different countContinue reading “I am a Homeowner!!”

Onward to Therapy! Again!

I finished up my regular therapy sessions in early June. CPT is rough for anyone, but add to it that my therapist and I didn’t really jive, and you can guess that it was a very long and painful six months, with sessions ranging from once every two weeks to twice a week. Since thenContinue reading “Onward to Therapy! Again!”

Well, You Failed Therapy

I finished up my Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) appointments this week. I talked a little about it in Milkshakes and Meditation…it was hit-or-miss on days that felt helpful or not, and days that felt rough or not. In the end I was told I “showed some improvements but the results weren’t what they wanted.” IContinue reading “Well, You Failed Therapy”