What to do With Extra Chances

I am on the struggle bus this week. Stuck in the “it could have been me so what am I doing with this chance at life” stuff. Not exactly sure if that constitutes survivors guilt or something else. Something different. Maybe not as painful as “it should have been me” but still meaningful and difficultContinue reading “What to do With Extra Chances”

Two Out of Three

I just realized I never wrote about my tattoo! Last year I wrote my three post-retirement goals in my post Tattoos, Baldness, and PJ Pants: shave my head, get a tattoo, and walk around Walmart in PJ pants. Amazingly, I’ve knocked out the first two but still have yet to walk around Walmart in PJs—scaryContinue reading “Two Out of Three”

What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…

With PTSD, one of the many ways intrusive thoughts interfere with everyday life is through nightmares. Every PTSD questionnaire I’ve answered has asked if I have nightmares. Until VERY recently, I assumed nightmares had to be excessively scary. When my daughter dreamt that a bear was chasing her and she woke up begging me toContinue reading “What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…”

Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #7: It Puts the Stuff in the Basket

Messes. I frikkin hate messes. They make my anxiety go haywire and also cause some flashbacks to some negative memories. I am not the neatest person in the world (much better than I was in my dorm days 😬 ) but I tend to keep a decent house. Enter kids. And husband. And now dog.Continue reading “Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #7: It Puts the Stuff in the Basket”

Therapy Again…

Just finished up my intake at the Syracuse VA so I can start working through trauma in the PTSD Clinic. Some days I just want the shit in my head to go away. It’s so weird thinking that I’ve been stuck in a similar mental state for 13 years. There’s a chance I’ll be 75Continue reading “Therapy Again…”

Medical Retirement Confirmed

FINALLY got my ratings back from the medical board—I will indeed be medically retired. Amazingly, they rated me higher than I was expecting, which means I’ll be making significantly more money monthly which is huge because we had estimated our family income dropping 60%, but it’ll only drop 40% (at least for the next fewContinue reading “Medical Retirement Confirmed”

Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #6: Selfcare(ish)

I’ve been stressed. PTSD, anxiety, kids, anxiety, Marine Corps, anxiety, medical board (taking months longer than it is supposed to), anxiety, home buying, anxiety, marriage, anxiety, housekeeping, anxiety, and a sprinkling of…dare I say depression? Not really sure what that is but it’s bugging me. Today was a “take-a-bath-with-your-kid-while-watching-Scooby-Doo” and “pour Ovaltine on your spoonfulContinue reading “Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #6: Selfcare(ish)”

Well, You Failed Therapy

I finished up my Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) appointments this week. I talked a little about it in Milkshakes and Meditation…it was hit-or-miss on days that felt helpful or not, and days that felt rough or not. In the end I was told I “showed some improvements but the results weren’t what they wanted.” IContinue reading “Well, You Failed Therapy”