What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…

With PTSD, one of the many ways intrusive thoughts interfere with everyday life is through nightmares. Every PTSD questionnaire I’ve answered has asked if I have nightmares. Until VERY recently, I assumed nightmares had to be excessively scary. When my daughter dreamt that a bear was chasing her and she woke up begging me toContinue reading “What Makes a Dream a Nightmare…”

Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #7: It Puts the Stuff in the Basket

Messes. I frikkin hate messes. They make my anxiety go haywire and also cause some flashbacks to some negative memories. I am not the neatest person in the world (much better than I was in my dorm days 😬 ) but I tend to keep a decent house. Enter kids. And husband. And now dog.Continue reading “Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #7: It Puts the Stuff in the Basket”

Therapy Again…

Just finished up my intake at the Syracuse VA so I can start working through trauma in the PTSD Clinic. Some days I just want the shit in my head to go away. It’s so weird thinking that I’ve been stuck in a similar mental state for 13 years. There’s a chance I’ll be 75Continue reading “Therapy Again…”

Medical Retirement Confirmed

FINALLY got my ratings back from the medical board—I will indeed be medically retired. Amazingly, they rated me higher than I was expecting, which means I’ll be making significantly more money monthly which is huge because we had estimated our family income dropping 60%, but it’ll only drop 40% (at least for the next fewContinue reading “Medical Retirement Confirmed”

Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #6: Selfcare(ish)

I’ve been stressed. PTSD, anxiety, kids, anxiety, Marine Corps, anxiety, medical board (taking months longer than it is supposed to), anxiety, home buying, anxiety, marriage, anxiety, housekeeping, anxiety, and a sprinkling of…dare I say depression? Not really sure what that is but it’s bugging me. Today was a “take-a-bath-with-your-kid-while-watching-Scooby-Doo” and “pour Ovaltine on your spoonfulContinue reading “Rainbows, Unicorns, and Motherhood #6: Selfcare(ish)”

Well, You Failed Therapy

I finished up my Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) appointments this week. I talked a little about it in Milkshakes and Meditation…it was hit-or-miss on days that felt helpful or not, and days that felt rough or not. In the end I was told I “showed some improvements but the results weren’t what they wanted.” IContinue reading “Well, You Failed Therapy”

From Hero to Zero

I’m a Marine. I decided I wanted to be a Marine when I was 12 years old, and I worked unbelievably hard to make it to where I am (more on that in a later post). I put the Marine Corps ahead of pretty much everything else in my life for well over a decade.Continue reading “From Hero to Zero”

My First Boob Squish

I had my first boob squish today…you might know that as a mammogram. I recently stopped nursing Graycie and noticed some lumps shortly after. They didn’t change for a bit, so figured I should get checked out. Everything is good—no abnormalities on the boob squish or the follow-up ultrasound. It was an interesting experience though.Continue reading “My First Boob Squish”

Trials and Tribulations: month vs Month

This year marks 13 years since losing my dad and two sisters in a murder/suicide. It took me until last year to finally ask for help dealing with the incident. It’s never too late to start addressing issues and taking care of yourself…you deserve to feel safe, healthy, and joyful no matter what you’ve beenContinue reading “Trials and Tribulations: month vs Month”

Medical, Medical Everywhere!

I’ve had a lot of fun with medical stuff the last few years. It just keeps going too. Doesn’t help either that I have some legit anxiety that leads to a bit of hypochondria, so there is definitely a mix of physical symptoms mixed with psychosomatic symptom…it’s a fun combination 😂 I’m writing this forContinue reading “Medical, Medical Everywhere!”